Khmer Magazines 2017



What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

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How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."

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What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you

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Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

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The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

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What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will

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An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation. "It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings." "I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself." "The cost of what?" asks the pilot. "Of the bearings you lost."

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What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.

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A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

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The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

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What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting

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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."

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What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything

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Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work

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An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset. He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station. The manager was at the airstrip to meet him. "Hello," he said. "I'm the auditor. I've come to count the sheep."

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A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

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Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ? A: None-just assume it's changed.

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Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."

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Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

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How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?

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