Khmer Magazines 2017



Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work

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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."

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What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes ? Antteneye !

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"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."

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How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ? You get very lumpy ice cream !

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ? Here come the elephants

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What do elephants say as a compliment ? You look elephantastic !

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Is your food spicy Sir ? No, smoke always comes out of my ears !

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ? Big holes all over Australia !

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Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?" "Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"

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There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

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Two elephants jumped off a cliff....... BOOM BOOM!

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What is the easy way to get a wild elephant ? Get a tame one and annoy it !

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What do you do with old cannon balls ? Give them to elephants to use as marbles !

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Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn't find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn't produce it. "What's wrong, little oil company?" said a gruff voice nearby. She looked around and there was a funny little creature with spectacles, a bald patch and shaving cuts. "I can't find a dividend," she said and started crying again. "Don't worry," said the creature. "I can find you one." "How?" said the oil company, "And who are you?" "I'm an accountant," he said. "As for how I do it, never you mind about that. But there's one condition. If I do find it for you, you must agree to let me stay with you." "Yes, yes!" she said, anxious only to get the dividend. The accountant disap peared into some books nearby and stayed there for a while. She could hear him muttering and tut-tutting and transferring accounts. Then he emerged and put his long sloping hand into hers. "I've found you a dividend," he said. Her usual cheerfulness returned in an instant and she rushed off to tell her father, the Chairman. She forgot all about the accountant until he followed her in and reminded her of her promise; despite all her tears, her father insisted that she keep her word and that night the little accountant slept on the floor beside her bed. The next morning she opened her eyes and to her amazement she saw the accountant was exactly the same as he had been before. "I know what you're thinking," smiled the accountant. "You're quite right. Before I was changed into an accountant I was a handsome young man with a devil-may-care attitude and considerable joie de vivre." "Then change back!" said t he oil company, clapping her hands. "Are you crazy?" said the accountant. "Handsome young men are two a penny but clever, ugly little accountants are worth their weight in gold."

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What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ? Discordant !

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Why did the ant-elope ? Nobody gnu !

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Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ? A: None-just assume it's changed.

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Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests? Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.

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Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."

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What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil ? One rarely bites and the other barely writes !

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Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

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What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet ? An elephant with an umbrella !

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Where do ants go for their holidays ? Frants !

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Q:What did one plate say to the other plate? A:('Lunch is on me!')

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