Khmer Magazines 2017



"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the teacher. " 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . ." "Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots." "Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier."

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What is posthumous work ? Something written by someone after they are dead !

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What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!

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Did you hear about the do-it-yourself funeral? They just loosen the earth and you sink down by yourself.

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A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em back!"

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A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

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If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

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An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died. The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said: YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN TUBE!!!

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Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place and was sacked for the grave mistake?

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Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door! Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.

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A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."

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A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

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What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

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What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.

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What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

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What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

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At the inquest into her husband's death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the coroner if she could remember her husband's last words. "Yes," she replied. "He said 'I don't know how that shop can make a profit from selling this salmon at only 20 cents a tin..."

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A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute." The man said, "Do me a favor and throw it out the window!"

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A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

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What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits.

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Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

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Why do you want to be buried at sea? Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

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What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede.

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First ghoul: You don't look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

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A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend's wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. "Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

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