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Khmer Magazines 2016



A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend's wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. "Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

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What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.

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What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

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First ghoul: You don't look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

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Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job.

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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."

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Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

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What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

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A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads."

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A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. "There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!" "Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!" "Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

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Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

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My brother's a professional boxer. Heavyweight ? No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !

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What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

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The man who was about to die said to the Sheriff, "Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?" "Course not," replied the Sheriff. "We just put the rope round your neck and kick the horse away. After that it's up to you."

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This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

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Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

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A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."

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How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

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If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

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Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat.

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Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ? Because he was dead !

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