Khmer Magazines 2018



Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !

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A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em back!"

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I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare's dead, silly. No wonder he hasn't replied.

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A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

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A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. "There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!" "Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!" "Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

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I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week. Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

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When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ? Rust in peace !

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Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in.

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Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat.

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Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."

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A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads."

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Why do you want to be buried at sea? Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

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The man who was about to die said to the Sheriff, "Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?" "Course not," replied the Sheriff. "We just put the rope round your neck and kick the horse away. After that it's up to you."

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What is the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes and the other decomposes.

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This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

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What is posthumous work ? Something written by someone after they are dead !

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

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"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the teacher. " 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . ." "Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots." "Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier."

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What is the last thing you eat before you die? You bite the dust.

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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

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A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend's wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. "Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

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What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!

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