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Khmer Magazines 2016



What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

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A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em back!"

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Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in.

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I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week. Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

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There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They put his left leg in.... Well, you know the rest.

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What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."

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Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door! Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.

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Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."

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A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

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A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend's wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. "Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

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What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.

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What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

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First ghoul: You don't look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

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Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job.

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Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

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A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads."

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A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. "There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!" "Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!" "Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

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Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

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My brother's a professional boxer. Heavyweight ? No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !

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What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

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The man who was about to die said to the Sheriff, "Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?" "Course not," replied the Sheriff. "We just put the rope round your neck and kick the horse away. After that it's up to you."

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This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

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