Khmer Magazines 2017



Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

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A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "

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What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!

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Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge. What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

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One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"

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A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."

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How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Oops.I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark.

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When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

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Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage !

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Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

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After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

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A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

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Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"

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How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? "How many do you think it takes?"

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Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

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In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?" The second responds, "God told me I was." At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

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A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it." As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."

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Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.

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Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

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What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic? He charges you double.

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The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, " Why did you put the newspaper down first?" He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."

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"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again." "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied. "And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever." "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you?" "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave."

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