Khmer Magazines 2017



Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays. Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* people's lights.

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Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1? A: For spare parts.

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Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out.

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A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it." "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"

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Osama bin Laden threatened Russia: If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!

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Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

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A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But listen, I'm really in a bind so I'm going to have to trust you anyway."

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The major difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't make death any worse than it is.

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Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.

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Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called? A: The whine cellar.

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George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!" George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?" Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful." George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street." Osama asks, "And what do they say?" George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

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When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failed experiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was a demagogue. When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evil empire, I knew he was a dangerous kook. When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War by escalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclear annihilation. When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiated its past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reagan had nothing to do with it. Because if that fool Reagan was right all along... ...what kind of fool am I?

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QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

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Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.

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Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money", he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

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What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.

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Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election. "I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "I don't know any of them." "I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I know them all."

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One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."

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When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a "Bud."

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Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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Q: What's a conservative? A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.

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A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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"Are you a member of any organized political party?" "No. I'm a Republican."

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QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people.

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