Khmer Magazines 2017



A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning." "Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance?"

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Are birth control pills deductible? Only if they don't work.

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Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat.

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Why don't Jewish mothers drink? Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

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Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.

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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

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A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!" "That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"

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Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing. "File the beak just a little," said the owner, "and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die." Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary. "He died," said Calvin. "But I told you not to file the beak too much." "I didn't," explained Calvin, "but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Blair ! Blair who ? Blair play !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Castor ! Castor who ? Castorblanca !

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The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

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Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

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What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside ? A mouse sandwich !

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What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.

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Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

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Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

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Where do footballers dance? At a football!

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What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !

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A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?" "Oy Morris I forgot that one too!" Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about? Morris responds, "They'll find us."

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A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.

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If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?

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What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas!

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Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.

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Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.

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