Khmer Magazines 2018



A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep." Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?", "some kinda animal again." Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?", "Some bastard!". "How terrible",says the hitch-hiker, "but there were 3 bangs" The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to get the bastard. . ."

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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out !"

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Q: What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime? A: Paddy O'Furniture!

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Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."

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Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

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There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

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What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

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What do astronauts wear to bed? Space Jammies!

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Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.

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While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"

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A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I 've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way." "Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

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Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

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How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.

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What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? A pecking order.

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Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals, ma'am.

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Pupil: Sir, would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents? Teacher: But your parents don't have a comuter. Pupil: Exactly!

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What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ? 100 way to wok your dog.

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A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. "Haircut, sir?" asked the barber. "No, just change the oil, please!"

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Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!

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An engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the next, a black sheep. The engineer says: "What do you know, the sheep in Scotland are black." "Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are black," replies the experimental physicist. The heoretical physicist considers this for a moment and says "Well, at least one of the sheep in Scotland is black." "Well," the philosopher responds, "on one side, anyway."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cork ! Cork who ? Cork and beans !

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Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out.

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