Khmer Magazines 2017



David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

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Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)

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Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

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Why did the chicken end up in the soup ? Because it ran out of cluck !

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"Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!"

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One day a blonde woman was down on her luck and she needed a quick way to get money. She saw some kids playing and thought "Hey! Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom!" So she creeps up and snatches one. So she began to write a note: "I have kidnaped your son and I will give him back if you put 10,000$ on the north side of the tree in the park. Signed Blonde." She sticks the note on the kid and sends him home. The next day she goes to the north side of the tree and in a paper bag was 10, 000$. But there was a note inside saying: "How could you do this to a fellow blonde!?!"

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What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window? "Looks like rein dear"

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Who is in cowboy films and is always broke? Skint Eastwood.

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Q. What does CHAOS stand for? A.The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

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What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!

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What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

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Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? A: He sold his soul to Santa.

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What do snowmen wear on their heads ? Ice caps !

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A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."

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Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

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What was the policeman's baby's first words ? Hallo, Hallo, Hallo !

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"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."

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Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. It was embarrassing - The bartender was almost crushed to death.

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What geometric figure is like a runaway parrot? A polygon .

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Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons? "He wanted to be a hentertainer."

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1st Cannibal: I don't know what to make of my boyfriend these days. 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?

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Q: What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy.

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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

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Men are like cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

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I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

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