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Baby jokes

My new baby is the image of his father.
Never
mind. just so long as he's healthy.

 

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.

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Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons? They won't talk no matter how you grill them!

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What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.

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What is an autograph? A chart which shows car sales.

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Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

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The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"

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What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!

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What is a baby bee ? A little humbug !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby Owl ! Baby Owl who ? Baby Owl see you later, maybe I won't !

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Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.

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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

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Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."

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Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

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One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

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What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

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How do wasps send messages? By bee-mail.

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What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

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Who has the best website in the jungle? The Onlion King.

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