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Bird jokes

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

 

Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink!

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What's a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make-up.

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What did the jack say to the car? "Can I give you a lift?"

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What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

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Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

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What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bella ! Bella who ? Bella bottom trousers !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bison ! Bison who ? Bison girl scout cookies !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Chocs ! Chocs who ? Chocs away !

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A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have the y got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

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Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

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What's a rabbits' favorite musical? Hare.

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A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once . "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "Ummm, I found it."

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Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful? A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.

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What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator.

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What diploma do criminals get? The third degree.

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Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!

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What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails? Beast wishes.

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What's the object of a Jewish football game? To get the quarter back!

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Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand.

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