Blonde jokes

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

 

A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach. The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

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One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look. An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?" An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail."

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What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.

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First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight. Second cannibal: What are you having? First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.

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What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo!

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What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus ? A cow that can milk itself !

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Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor " "Dentist" "Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"

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Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar ! Have you taken anything for it ?

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How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.

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Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all right Dad, I know how !

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Where do the burgers go on New Year's Eve? To a meat ball!

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Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.

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Jeb and Eudell, University of Michigan athletes, were driving from Ann Arbor to Cleveland. Just outside the city limits they saw a sign: "CLEAN REST ROOMS." By the time they got to Cleveland, they'd cleaned 147 Johns.

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Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes? To carry his library card.

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Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery? 3 dollars a year for a million years.

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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered. "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

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Clown: Why are you wearing such a large shirt? Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

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Since you've discovered the Internet, you don't pay any attention to me! Who said that?

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After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."

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My grandma has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat on.

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