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Dentist jokes

"I came in to
make an appointment with the
dentist." said the man to the receptionist.

"I'm sorry sir."
she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you,"
interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out
again ?"

 

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

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A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

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Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? A. "Rough rough".

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Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

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Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

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What is a jockey's motto? Put your money where your mount is!

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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

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A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."

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Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.

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Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.

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Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions. Son: Father, Can I ask you a question? Father: Ok ask. Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor. Father: !!!??????!!!

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What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem.

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What's the best thing about deadly snakes ? They've got poisonality !

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A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, I'll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock." The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he can't see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. You're on." "Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man. The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I don't know how you did it but that's exactly right. A bet's a bet. Take any sheep." The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation." The man thinks, "How would he know, he's never met me before" and says "Righto. You're on". The farmer says, "You're an auditor with a Big Four firm." The man whistles . "How the heck did you know that?" "Well," says the farmer, "put my dog down and I'll tell you."

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"My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' "No-spaghetti!''

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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

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Why did the dog sleep so poorly? By mistake he plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night!

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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chin ese Jews."

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, ''What the heck did you put on this pizza?'' The delivery man bows deeply and says, ''We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.''

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