Cannibal jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who went

vegetarian?
He couldn't stop eating swedes.

 

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

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What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.

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Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

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What dog wears a white coat and does science experiments? Labs!

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What do vampires put at the bottom of their e-mails? Best viscious.

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Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in.' St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'

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Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies !

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When is a parent like a child? When he's a miner.

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Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. "I'm sorry, sister," said the attendant, "but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. The nuns agreed that this would be fine. They returned to the car. As they were pouring the gasoline into the tank, a man drove by, stopped his car, and said, "Oh sister, if only I had your faith."

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Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind

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Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common? A: Neither one is very bright.

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A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

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Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering???? A: More head room

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Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday.

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Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.

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How do you get an elephant into a matchbox ? Take all the matches out first !

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Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb? A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

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Q.What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus ? A. FireWeb .... of course!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bunny ! Bunny who ? Bunny thing is, I've forgotten now !kn

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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