Cannibal jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who went

vegetarian?
He couldn't stop eating swedes.

 

What is a black cat's favourite TV show ? Miami Mice !

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Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ? Santa Jaws !

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In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"

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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

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Q: What do you call two blondes in a canoe? A: Fur traders.

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When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

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How many bees do you need in a bee choir ? A humdred !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Ada ! Ada who ? Ada'mond is forever !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Buddha ! Buddha who ? Buddha this slice of bread for me !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cameron ! Cameron who ? Cameron film are needed to take pictures !

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What lands as often on its tail as it does its head? A penny.

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A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under th e O, 72. . ."

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What is a snowman's favorite book ? War and Frozen Peas !

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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

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What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard? It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

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He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is someone who keeps track of your age!

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What has antlers and sucks blood ? A moose-quito !

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What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp.

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What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P.

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Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.

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