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Dentist jokes

Why does a dentist seem moody?
Because he
always looks down in the mouth.

 

Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

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Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

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How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

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What do lovesick owls say when it's raining? Too-wet-to-woo.

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Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

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What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? "Mmm. Canapes."

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A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?". Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air". Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test". Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death". Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line". Man: "Can't do that either". Officer: "Why not?". Man: "Because I'm dead drunk".

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What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.

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An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

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What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ? A fangfurter !sna

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.

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What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ? He gets splinters in his mouth !

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How do you hire an elephant ? Stand it on four bricks !

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Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ? It was for 'tick or tweet' !

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Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. "Quick," said the first, "shoot it." "I can't," said the second. "My gun isn't loaded." "Well," said the first," you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn't."

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A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!" "That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"

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What did one firefly say to the other ? Got to glow now !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Attila ! Attila who ? Attila you no lies !

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It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes." The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

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