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Dentist jokes

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth

 

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

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What's a dog favourite hobby ? Collecting fleas !

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"I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: "Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation. His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

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Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad? I believe he's eating your lettuce.

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Teacher, I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

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Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !

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Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: I'm trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: I'd be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

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How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.

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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !

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What do you call a pen with no hair ? A bald point !

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Why were the early days of history called the dark ages ? Because there were so many knights !

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St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?"

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Coda ! Coda who ? Coda paint !

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Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital.

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What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.

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Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? A: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

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Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

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There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"

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Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull

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