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Dentist jokes

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth

 

Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Amaso ! Amaso who ? Amaso sorry you don't remember me !

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Two paratrooper recruits in a plane: - Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute. - Is it mandatory to wear it? - Sure. It's raining outside.

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A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it." "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"

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What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.

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Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

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What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

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Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

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What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bella ! Bella who ? Bella bottom trousers !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bison ! Bison who ? Bison girl scout cookies !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Chocs ! Chocs who ? Chocs away !

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A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have the y got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

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Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

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What's a rabbits' favorite musical? Hare.

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A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once . "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "Ummm, I found it."

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Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!

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What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails? Beast wishes.

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What's the object of a Jewish football game? To get the quarter back!

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Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand.

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