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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?" "Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." "Just because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet.

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So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Blakey' guy to show up with his drums. "Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good." The man in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer."

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What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.

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Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kind of fur? Boy: As fur away as possible!

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For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

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Yo Mama so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections

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Q: How is a penis like fishing? A: The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount.

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What dogs are best for sending telegrams ? Wire haired terriers !!

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What's the object of a Jewish football game? To get the quarter back!

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Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!

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Knock Knock Who's there ? Cook ! Cook who ? Cuckoo yourself, I don't come here to be insulted !

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Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

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Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork

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- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? - ??? - Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.

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What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!

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That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.

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yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck.

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Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, "I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

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Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "No, he has a broken arm." John: "How did he break it?" Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window." John: "How did he break his arm?" Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

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First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

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