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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

Q: Why did the blonde guy ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle? A: Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left.'

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Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

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Why are elephants wiser than chickens ? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!

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Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you for a green rabbit.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Carson ! Carson who ? Carconogenic !

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Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."

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Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

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How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.

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Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

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Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

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The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"

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What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!

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What is a baby bee ? A little humbug !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby Owl ! Baby Owl who ? Baby Owl see you later, maybe I won't !

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Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.

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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

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Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."

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Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

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