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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,

SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red
light.

 

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LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

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A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach. The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

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Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother. 'I don't know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

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Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny. Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!

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Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

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Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador

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Q: What's a conservative? A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.

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Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal? Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

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What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare.

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What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem.

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What asks no question but demands an answer? A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

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Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.

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Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.

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Yo Mama's so fat she sank the Titanic!

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Q. What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster? A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

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Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth!

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Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

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What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails? Snout about!

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The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

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