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Rabbit jokes

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised

a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare!

 

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

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Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over sleepers.

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Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

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Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

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How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

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What do lovesick owls say when it's raining? Too-wet-to-woo.

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Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

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What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? "Mmm. Canapes."

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A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?". Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air". Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test". Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death". Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line". Man: "Can't do that either". Officer: "Why not?". Man: "Because I'm dead drunk".

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What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.

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An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

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What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ? A fangfurter !sna

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.

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Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems.

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Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!

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Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

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What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull!

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What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ? He gets splinters in his mouth !

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How do you hire an elephant ? Stand it on four bricks !

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