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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ? You get very lumpy ice cream !

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Q: Where is the world's fastest chicken from? A: Ethiopia!

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Tim once took his small cousin with him while he went fishing: When he returned, he was looking very fed up. "I'll never do that again," he complained to his Dad. "Did she frighten off the fish?" enquired Dad. "No," replied Tim. "She sat on the bank and ate all my maggots."

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A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"

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Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues? His balk was worse than his bite!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ? Amanda the table!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bassoon ! Bassoon who ? Bassoon things will be better !

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Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus? A: He wanted to sing higher!

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Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.

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Why are elephants wiser than chickens ? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!

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Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you for a green rabbit.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Carson ! Carson who ? Carconogenic !

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Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."

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Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

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How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.

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Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

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Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

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The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"

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What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!

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