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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."

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What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day? The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

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What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ? A seahorse !

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What's a cow's favourite love song? When I fall in love , it will be for heifer.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bless ! Bless who ? I didn't sneeze !

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1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

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A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening. The sergeant examines the mug and says: - You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.

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How can you make money fast? Glue it to the floor.

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Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart. So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

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What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe? A long necked toothbrush.

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Why is a frog luckier than a cat ? Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times !

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What lives in gum trees ? Stick insects !

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How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's twisted it? With a monkey wrench.

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The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?" "Yep." "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

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Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ? They couldn't, they were adders !

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Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.

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How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt? Thunderstruck

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Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest. The nouns met again a week later and one of the nouns asked her friend,"I have one question.Did he sent flowers afterwards...?"

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What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.

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What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ? A firefly with a short circuit !

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