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Waiter jokes

Waiter,
waiter, do you have frog's
legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

 

Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again."

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Mother Banana: Why didn't you go to school today? Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well.

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On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car, the father said, "Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap."

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Policeman: Why did your car just spin around in circles? Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.

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Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.

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Q: What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy.

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What will the Easter Bunny be doing after Easter? One to three for breaking and entering.

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Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering.

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Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy.

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Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker. "Hey," cried the foreman, "what kind a horseplay you two guys up to?" "Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend," explained Braxton, "but he can't read; so Ah'm readin' the letter for him." "How come you got the cotton in your ears?" "Hollis don't want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him!"

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Why is a cat like a penny? Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

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QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people.

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How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light.

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How do snowmen read their e-mails? With an icy-stare!

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What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.

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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

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Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over sleepers.

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Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

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Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

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How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

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