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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Yo Momma is so
ugly that she
scares blind people!!!!

 

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? An aardvark with the sniffles!

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How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

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WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

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Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ? It was a moth ball !

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What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!

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"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth." "Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!" "Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office."

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Q: Whats the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon". She confirms and asks how he knew. "Easy, you're always washing your hands." She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist." Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?" Female doctor: "I didn't feel a thing."

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire building.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ? Courtney Pine tables, I need a new one !

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What do rodents say when they play bingo ? 'Eyes down for a full mouse' !

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A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants."

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!

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Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".

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Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

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What's Up, Doc? by Howie Dewin

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What do cows do for entertainment? They go to the mooooovies.

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Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

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