Internet jokes

What happened when the schoool bully went
netsurfing?
The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.

 

Knock Knock Who's there ? Cheese ! Cheese who ? Cheese a jolly good fellow !

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A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

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When Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Mike said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

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An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc." Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."

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What is Dracula's favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

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There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"

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What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn

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yo mama so fat, when she dive into the ocean, there is a tsunami warning out!!

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The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner!"

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A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"

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What's a rabbits' favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback!

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Why was the snowman's dog called Frost? Because Frost bites.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Boris ! Boris who ? Boris with more knock knock jokes !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bullet ! Bullet who ? Bullet all the hay and now he's hungry !

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Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, "I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through." So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, "Who are you??" Mrs. Riley replied, "I am the devil!" With that, Riley shook her hand and said, "Glad to meet ya, I'm married to your sister."

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But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer controls the weather.

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What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.

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A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

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Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !

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Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

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