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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

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Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb? A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

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Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

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Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bassoon ! Bassoon who ? Bassoon things will be better !

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Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus? A: He wanted to sing higher!

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Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.

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Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."

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Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

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How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.

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Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

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Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."

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Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

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Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called? A: The whine cellar.

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Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

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What did the snowman order at MacDonalds ? Icerbergers with chilli sauce !

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What lights up a football stadium ? A football match !

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