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Letter jokes

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

 

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. 'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny. 'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.' Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever. 'Now what is it ?' asked his dad. 'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'

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Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'

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What's a rabbits' favorite dance? The bunny hop.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.

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Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

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What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.

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Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kind of fur? Boy: As fur away as possible!

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For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

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Yo Mama so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections

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Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

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Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork

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- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? - ??? - Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.

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What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!

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That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.

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yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck.

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First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

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When should a mouse carry an umbrella ? When it's raining cats and dogs !

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Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to be retrained.

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A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me."

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How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.

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