Political jokes

When
that fool Reagan said that the
Soviet Union was a failed
experiment headed for the ash heap of history,
I knew he was a
demagogue.
When that fool Reagan said that the
Soviet Union was an evil
empire, I knew he was a dangerous
kook.
When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War
by
escalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored
nuclear
annihilation.
When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiated
its past,
I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reagan
had
nothing to do with it.
Because if that fool Reagan was right all
along...
...what kind of fool am I?

 

What does a snowman eat for dinner? Ice-burgers.

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What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ? A witch with a blindfold !

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Why do raindrops like lightning at night? -So they can see where they are going

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A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed. "No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"

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Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in New England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the "pouring rain." Well , atleast the dew point is coming down!

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Yo mama is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!!

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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

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What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

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What do astronauts wear to bed? Space Jammies!

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Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.

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The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

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Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.

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Yo mama is so fat...that when she wore a blue and green sweater,everyone thought she was Planet Earth

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What's a snakes favourite dance ? Snake, rattle & roll !

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The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?" "Go down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."

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Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Jackie: Nine. Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight. Jackie: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!

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Waiter, your tie is in my soup! That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.

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Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

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Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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