Travel and tourist jokes

Police Officer: Why did you lead me

on a five-state chase?
Driver: I love to travel.

 

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

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I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

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Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women ? Sister: Man-eating sharks.

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An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!" "You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."

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What happens when sharks take their clothes off ? They go sharkers !

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What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!

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Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

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Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

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Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !

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What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

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Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup. Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?

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How can you tell elephants love to travel ? They are always packing their trunk !

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Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup. Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.

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Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!

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Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

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Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

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Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M.

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