Weather jokes

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who

is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.

 

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

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Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

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Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

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Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

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Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

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Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

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Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly. "What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers. "I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

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How do you get milk from a witch's cat? Steal her saucer.

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Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill.

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What's the witches favourite pop group ? Broomski Beat !

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Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping from the basement window.

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What do you calll a woman that people sit on ? Cher !

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Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

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Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today."

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Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.

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Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

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What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed.

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yo mama's o fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

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Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

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