Weather jokes

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who

is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.

 

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

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Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind

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What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!

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Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.

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Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

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What is the witches motto ? We came, we saw, we conjured !

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What is the most popular sport played by raindrops and hail stones? -Diving

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A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there nare still two floors left, they continue on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

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Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs --- unless they're a legitimate business expense.

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When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order? A zoo-t suit!

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What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.

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How is a hailstone like an onion? -They are both whitish and have layers

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Yo Mama's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."

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How do witches lose weight? They join weight witches.

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Why type of lightning likes to play sports? -Ball lightning

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Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

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Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

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Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues

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Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

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What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? -Hurricanes with cataracts

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